Q-Dear Margo, I have been seeing this girl for two years and we’ve been living together for a year. We are both musicians and I met her at a gig I was playing. In the beginning she was a huge fan of my music. Recently however, she has made it known repeatedly in many ways that she does not like me going out to play. I have been getting the silent treatment two days before until two days after any gig or rehearsal.
I have been a musician for many years and have always maintained a professional attitude towards music, I have never cheated on any girl, nor would I cheat on her and when I’m done the gig for the night I go home immediately following the show with my money in hand. How do I make it clear to her that the way she treats me is ruining the relationship? I have no intentions of quitting music but I will however leave her if pressed to make a choice. Thanks for your help.
A- I can see how a partner’s attitude change about your music (going from “oh that’s sexy” to “oh that’s not cool with me”) is frustratingly unfair, but I can also see how this change might have happened.
When you were first together things were probably fun and exciting enough for her not to feel threatened by anything else you were doing. Now that you have been together for some time it’s possible that she has become insecure about the solidity of your relationship. Ask yourself if her feeling threatened is somewhat understandable? Is it just in her head, or isn’t it perhaps a little real?
Performers give themselves to their audience by putting themselves out there to be admired, crushed on, judged etc. They can seem attractive and accessible to audience members who are engaging and making their own personal connections with the performance.